


Regrets, I've Had A Few

by Tarlan



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, Community: fanfic100, Episode Tag, Episode: s03e14 Tao of Rodney, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-03-30
Updated: 2009-03-30
Packaged: 2017-10-21 14:12:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/226084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarlan/pseuds/Tarlan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rodney has but one regret as he lays dying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Regrets, I've Had A Few

**Author's Note:**

> For LJ's **mcbeckchallenge** prompt #9 Tao of Rodney  
>  **fanfic100** 097\. Writer's Choice - Regrets.

"Carson? Thank you. Thank you for everything."

"I only wish I could have done more, my friend," Carson responded softly and Rodney offered a tired smile as Carson placed the band over his head to monitor his final moments.

As far as Rodney was concerned, it didn't really matter because they would know if he had ascended one way or another within the next few minutes. Strangely, Rodney no longer felt so afraid of dying even though he had not released all his burdens but Ronon's words came back to him, and they were good words. He had made reparations to those he cared about in these past few days but there were some things he couldn't change, and he accepted that now. He knew he was often petty and arrogant, that his ego often got the better of him, but he wasn't certain if he truly wanted to change that part of him. Without those qualities, for good or bad, he would might not have reached for the stars, settling instead for some mundane job in an accounts or computer department of some nameless, faceless corporation. That arrogance had made him push for greatness and he could not regret this when that road had led him here, to Atlantis.

As the blue skies began to fade, he spared a thought for Daniel Jackson, wondering if this was how he had felt in those last moments of his life before he ascended that first time. On that occasion, Daniel had also had his friends around him and Rodney mused on whether Daniel had reached out to O'Neill in those last seconds, asking him to let him go. Strangely, that made so much sense now because he felt at peace, his mind quieting for the first time in years, with all his cares gently floating away.

Darkness closed around him, leaving him with a single regret that he could not have altered just one aspect of his basic make-up, his innermost fear of rejection, and told Carson that his friendship had meant so much more to him than he'd ever let on. Earlier, he'd shied away from the temptation of reading Carson's mind in case he learned that his love was not returned to the same degree. Now it seemed such a pointless waste of an opportunity but, as Ronon's words reminded him, he couldn't change the past any more than he could change his DNA.

The thought flashed through him like a voice calling to him from out of the darkness. DNA! Why had he not seen it before? With the last of his waning energy, he grabbed hold of Carson and poured the knowledge directly into Carson's mind along with that small regret before falling into darkness.

Rodney's eyes shot open and he stared in surprise when he realized he was back in the laboratory beside the ascension machine.

"Rodney?"

It had worked! He took a moment to wonder why none of the Ancients had considered this reversal process when it was all so simple in hindsight. Just a matter of giving the machine his baseline DNA, taken from older blood samples, in order to activate the reversal process. The hug from Ronon took him by surprise and he floundered for a moment as the others took this as their cue to move in with similar gestures until Carson insisted that he needed Rodney back in the infirmary for more tests.

As he lay back on the medtable, watching Carson bustle around him, the thought returned and he had to ask. Carson stared at him for a moment.

"Perhaps because they had only the one goal--ascend or die trying."

Rodney hummed softly as he pondered Carson's answer. Strangely, that made far more sense than the Ancients being too stupid to see the obvious. His thoughts returned to the present at the gentle touch of Carson's hand upon his shoulder, and he glanced up inquiringly.

"In answer to your other question." Carson cleared his throat nervously. "I've always loved you more than in a way a friend feels for another friend."

For the second time in less than an hour, Rodney felt his mind quieting, this time in shock. "Really?"

"Aye, really."

"You love me?"

Carson sighed with tender exasperation, one hand cupping Rodney's cheek in a way so reminiscent of the way Rodney had cupped Carson's face all those months ago during the Katie Brown fiasco. This time, however, Carson did not shake his head and walk away as Rodney had done, admittedly under Cadman's control. This time Carson leaned in and pressed the sweetest kiss against Rodney's lips before pulling away, leaving Rodney stunned for the third time in an hour. He licked his lips experimentally, capturing Carson's taste, and when Carson leaned in for a second time, Rodney met him halfway.

If he had any remaining regrets, it was that he had wasted so much time that they could have spent together.

END


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